If You Tickle Us...

Part II So where were we before we were rudely interrupted by a Beis Din that will/will not take place? A (no) Show Trial where the judges are brought kicking and screaming, the witnesses are nowhere to be seen and the guy in the dock is smirking like a combatant after a prize-winning wrestle. Stalin couldn’t even have thought this one up but they call it justice round here. They even had me fool standing at the door with a hand on the mezuzah returning thinking it was a final curtain call, but which turned out to be a fly-by-night Beis Din stuck on the runway. Firstly, thanks for all the kind words and sentiments expressed. 'Mertshem by you,' you can see me nodding in all directions. 'Not at all, it was mamesh our pleasure. Ach don't be silly,' I say to those who insist on helping take home the half bottles of cherryade and unopened plonk because the waiters were under orders to hide the corkscrew openers. ' Loz , the goyim will look after it. Mach zich ...

Sorry for the quality of the images. You’ll have to buy tomorrow’s paper or wait till they are put up online.

First Anti Halpern Letter Note on translation: Since the text waffles on in places I have omitted the less relevant passages. The letter refers to Rav Padwa in the 3rd person which has been changed to direct speech. Committee of Rabbis of NW London Days of Selichos Elul 5772 [September 2012] To the Gaavad of the UOHC Rabbi M.C.E Padwa shlita We have become aware that one of the Dayanim, a member of the Union Rabbinate, is involved in obscene acts with married women. By ‘obscene’ we mean deeds that according to all [halachic] opinions are within the category of an obligation of martyrdom rather than commit the acts. Many women have testified that he speaks freely in the most licentious of manners. To our great consternation, his actions too are of an extremely grave nature. Those close to the matter have said that even if he has yet to transgress the prohibition against adultery, there is considerable concern that he may commit such acts too in the near future, God forbid. ...

This comment was left by someone calling himself 'We are victims too' I was thinking of writing for a long time, and tonight after reading the many comments, I have decided to take the plunge and I hope people will be kind and read my post in the way it was intended. I am referring to the many attacks against the "evil", "selfish", "foolish", "irresponsible" " baalei machloikes " leftover DC mispalelim. Please understand, we the leftover DC mispalelim are victims ourselves. We now KNOW and realise the sad truth, but we cannot leave because we were imprisoned by R' Padva. You need to remember, when R' Padva promised the B'Din there were mainly just lots of rumours but no clear public guidance from rabbonim, so some of us had no motivation or courage to jump ship and leave. Many of us had the subconscious thought of "lets wait another week". The moment R'Padva said that he was getting a...

Open Letter from "yankel" Dear Mr Frand, Firstly, let me introduce myself. I'm just an average Golders Greener, have only eaten Kedassia meat for the last 40 plus years, used to daven in Halpern shuls, but still daven in very right wing shuls (no eiruv carriers) send my kids to the most frum schools in NW, and try and do whats right in the eyes of Hashem. I go to work everyday, schvitzing to make a living to enable me to bring up my kids frum and correctly. Oy and 1 more thing I almost forgot to mention - I try to respect what my Rabonim and magid shiurim have to say. Your letter throws all this to the wind! What message are you sending out to me? I can't trust my rabonim I've learnt from and davened with for all these decades? I may as well send my kids to Christ College; they will probably end up being better guided knowing right from wrong! (Will save a fortune in school fees too!) I am thoroughly appalled by your recent announcement naming 3 ra...

The time has come to bow out of Towelgate. I shan't refer to it as the 'Painful Saga' as those who coined that name had in mind only the pain of the poor accused and his 'distinguished family'. But not a word was heard from those quarters to acknowledge even the existence of victims and never mind a kind word for their pain. It's a propitious time of year for reckoning so as we move on from the winter of discontent that has rocked our community it wouldn't be a bad idea to stand back and reflect. The basic facts hardly need repeating and the outcome is still far from certain. The reverberations will be felt for some time to come and there will be ample opportunity to analyse the causes and effects, exposures and cover ups, successes and setbacks, and winners and losers. On balance, however, I think we as a community have plenty to be proud of. We have shown that rabbis too can be responsive when the weight of public anger is brought to bear down on them. D...

Harav Wosner's T'Shuvah, Highlights By ‘Moish’ Much of the confusion in the recent case has been due to the fact that there is so little by way of precedent in terms of how to deal with rabbis who are alleged to have acted 'improperly'. Within the Charedi world, although such issues have surely arisen, they have been dealt with (if at all) so furtively as to leave barely a smidgen of record in the halachic literature. Precedents from the Modern Orthodox community are easier to find, but, well, they're modern anyway so what do you expect? The one recent case that does spring to mind is that of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler of Monsey. Without going into details, the rabbi concerned was expelled from the American RCA on account of his alleged misbehaviour with women in a counselling context (ring any bells?) and a group of his local colleagues took it upon themselves to examine the evidence against him and proceeded to publicise their verdict. Whilst the parallels are fa...

Leil Yud Tes Teves 5763 [1 January 2013] Statement The Union may not be responsible for the alleged misbehaviour of one its Dayonim. However its lack of willingness or ability to deal with the matter in any way is perceived to be unacceptable and is a matter of great embarrassment. As a result we have been put in an impossible position where our Shul has fallen victim to the situation just by virtue of our official association with the Union. We must do all that we can to protect the Shul and its membership from this. The internal equilibrium and stability of our k ehilla is far more important than with whom our Shul is affiliated. I am therefore fully behind the Executives decision to call this meeting, in order to examine and explore our options. We must take into account all the ramifications of any decision we make. We need to enlist Hakodosh Boruch Hu ’s help to make the correct decision, and many more t efillos to invoke His rachamim that this terribly destructive g ...

If anyone has a better rhyming translation for תכלה שנה וקללותיה – תחל שנה וברכותיה fee free to add it to the comments. In the meantime I leave you to meditate upon two marvellous poems, one for the dross and the other for the gloss, both by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919) The Year What can be said in New Year rhymes, That’s not been said a thousand times? The new years come, the old years go, We know we dream, we dream we know. We rise up laughing with the light, We lie down weeping with the night. We hug the world until it stings, We curse it then and sigh for wings. We live, we love, we woo, we wed, We wreathe our brides, we sheet our dead. We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear, And that’s the burden of the year. New Year (As the old year sinks down in Time's ocean...) As the old year sinks down in Time's ocean, Stand ready to launch with the new, And waste no regrets, no emotion, As the masts and the spars pass from view. Wee...

Those of us relying on the heimishe press for our cerebral fodder will have been feeling rather starved of late. In different times, a meeting of 30 rabbonim would be preceded by fliers from charity organisations exhorting us to send in our names, as it appears on the card, so that the details may be keyed in in their hallowed presence. Yet London was honoured by just such a meeting of Torah Olympians but not a word about it in our informative press either before or after. The meeting was followed by a letter from 5 rabbonim proclaiming the view of the Torah but still the Torah organs wouldn’t touch the story. The engagement of the grandson of the Kvetcher to the great-niece of the Greptser will make it in full Technicolor but the 5 must rely on the accursed world wide web for their fair share of notoriety. Aha, you may think, since the newspapers are headquartered in Stamford Hill in order to comply with the posuk , Ki m'Hackney teitzei Torah udvar Hashem m'N16 , they have...

Erev Shabbos Parshas Vayechi 5773 [28 December 2012] “The rabbis sat by and did not object implying that they were content” I am pained that there is a group of charlatans which is powerful in communal affairs and is protecting a man whom rabbis have announced [to the public] to distance themselves from. They thereby weaken amongst us all the severity of the prohibition against licentious conduct. Gershon Hager

[ I cannot vouch for the veracity of this letter which was sent in anonymously but I think it deserves publicity for the raw emotion it displays. It also serves as a useful reminder that amidst all the politicking and buffoonery there are some real people out there who are going through hell through no fault of their own. ] Dear Chaim You know who I am. I write an open letter to you begging you to do the right thing here. Let’s start from the beginning. You tried helping us out at our time of need, you were a great help for many years, answering all our questions from the day we got married, you were there for us at any stage we ever needed you. YOU then dropped yourself into this BIG time, you built up such a trust with us that we saw no wrong in anything you did, those late night calls to my wife, the times you told me send your wife in I will "explain" those shallos that didn’t need explaining - but you were trying to help!!!!...then came the time where you over steppe...

יום ג’ פ’ ויחי תשע”ג לפ”ק הנני בזה לאשר שהמכתב שכתב הר”ר חיים שנעק הי”ו במוצאי עשרה בטבת ש”ז, היתה בציווי מרן הגאב”ד שליט”א החותם בפקודתו יהודה ווייס הנ”ל נכון א.פ Tuesday Vayechi 5773 I hereby confirm that the letter written by Reb Chaim Schneck on Motze Asoro B’Teves of this year was under instruction of the Ga’avad Shlita Signed under orders Yehuda Weiss The above is accurate. E.P. [Ephraim Padwa] יב טבת תשע”ג הנני לאשר שהמכתב הראשון שנחתם ע”י האברך החשוב ר’ חיים שנעק הי”ו היה בהוראה שלמעלה ואין להמשפחה ח”ו שום תרעומת עליו בזה ובבא. וד’ יברך את עמו בשלום. משה היילפרין 12 Teves 5773 I confirm that the first letter signed by the esteemed Chaim Schneck was under orders from above and the family has God forbid no complaints against him neither in this world nor in the world to come. May God bless His people with peace. Moshe Halpern

ב”ה י”ב טבת תשע”ג המכתב החתום ע”י ר”ח שנעק יצא מחמת אי הבנה וביהמ”ד דברי חיים עוד מצורף להתאחדות קהילות החרדים וע”ז דו”ש משה חיים אפרים פדווא 12 Teves 5773 The letter signed by Chaim Schneck was released as a result of a misunderstanding and the Beish Hamedrash Divrei Chaim remains affiliated to the Union of Orthodox Hebrew Congregations. Greetings of Peace Moshe Chaim Efraim Padwa This is a comment by ‘What a Shoita!!’ which deserves promotion: Hi, my name is Efraim Padwa, or is it? I'm not sure, I can't make up my mind. Do I have a mind? Let me ask the Halperns what my name is and what i should think. Or should I? I'm just so confused. Who is that fat man blocking my way? Is he friend or foe? He is shouting at me! But he looks like a friend! Do I know him? How can I know him if I don't even know myself?? Sign a letter? About what? Will you calm down if I sign it? Ok, so I'll sign. Can I go now? Thank you Mr Policeman - Merry Kratzmech. Wow, loo...

A PSALM OF LIFE WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN SAID TO THE PSALMIST TELL me not, in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream! — For the soul is dead that slumbers, And things are not what they seem. Life is real ! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal ; Dust thou art, to dust returnest, Was not spoken of the soul. Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, Is our destined end or way; But to act, that each to-morrow Find us farther than to-day. Art is long, and Time is fleeting, And our hearts, though stout and brave, Still, like muffled drums, are beating Funeral marches to the grave. In the world's broad field of battle, In the bivouac of Life, Be not like dumb, driven cattle! Be a hero in the strife! Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant! Let the dead Past bury its dead! Act,— act in the living Present! Heart within, and God o'erhead! Lives of great men all remind us We can make our lives sublim...

שברי חיים Point by point rebuttal of 10 reasons given by the Stamford Hill rabbis for rejecting ‘ Gilui Da’ath ’ against Chaim Halpern. Sorry but won’t have chance to translate this.

Can someone enlighten us where rabbis pick up their writing style. If I were a member of Bridge Lane Beis Hamedrash I would take exception being spoken to like to a kindergarten rather than mature adults. (Mind you, it’s not in all kindergartens they talk like that either, but that’s for another day.) Did it occur to the esteemed Rabbi and his Secretary to ‘request’ his congregants not to attend? Or to ‘urge’, even ‘strongly urge’, them not to take part? Or ask them to ‘consider seriously the implications’ of showing up? It seems that our black and white world makes not allowance for such subtleties.  It’s either a chov kodoish or forbidden, with no bridge in the middle.

Spot the difference The above is the call in support of the of Leyton Orient internet rally. It is signed by almost all London Rabbonim affiliated to the UOHC. Ringed are those who signed the recent letter in support of Chaim Halpern. What a sign of the times!

At least we can now be assured of the impartiality of the forthcoming Beth Din.

1. The 6th Rabbi did not sign the Gilui Da’ath because: a. his wife forbade him b. his great-great-great-great grandfather forbade him c. both d. he lost his pen in the peak of his Sabbath hat? 2. When Rav Padwa was taken hostage by family Halpern he: a. called the police b. called Hatzole c. both d. mumbled for his hammer? 3. Keddasia flesh was transported with pig carcasses because: a. only the JC reported it b. pigs aren’t women and so needn’t be segregated. c. both d. prohibitions don’t apply to Porky? 4. Rabbi Robers wrote a letter saying: a. Chaim Halpern is unfit to be a rov becasue a beis din ruled he’s a perv b. Chaim Halpern is fit to be a rov until a beis din rules he’s a perv c. both d. he’s still deciding whether to write the letter? 5. Divrei Chaim remains an integral part of UOHC becasue: a. the letter expelling them was not meant to be released b. the letter expelling them was retracted c. both d. the retraction w...

The 5th Candle of Chanukah 5773, London To the Esteemed Members and Participants of Shiurim of the Beis Medresh "Divrei Chaim" In light of the "Gilui Da'as" [proclamation] that was publicised on 22 Kislev against your Rabbi the Gaon and Tzadik shlita , after he had resigned from those positions that gave rise to the complaints. Yet [the rabbis who signed the proclamation] were still not satisfied and publicised their decision for all to see. They decided all of this without a hearing in front of a formal Beth Din and a proper Din Torah in accordance with Shulchan Oruch, Choshen Mishpat . [This was required] in order to comply with the Biblical prescription "Hear the causes between your brothers" without which one cannot oust a rabbi's presumption of innocence. Prior to publicising their Gilui Da'ath , [Rav Padwa] ordered the formation of a Beth Din composed of distinguished out-of-town Rabbonim to rule on the matter as is set out in haloc...

Letter from Reb Chune posted in his shul I demand and request from all who frequent our Beish Medresh to participate in the shiur of Chumesh Rashi this Thursday night that is delivered by my son Harav (titles) Chaim shlita who with his wisdom and fear of God endows his listeners with great satisfaction bringing them closer to the Torah of God Written and signed with a special blessing to all who attend his shiurim. [signed] I too hope to take part in this shiur.

A letter in defence of Chaim Halpern from his brother-in-law, Rabbi Shimon Lemberger, the Makava Rebbe from Kiryat Ata in Israel. Essentially it is a character reference listing the great work Halpern has accomplished over the years and complains over the lack of due process in condemning him. The letter compares the campaign against Halpern to the battle against the Greeks all those years ago and takes some pot shots against the rabbis who have spoken out against him. It particular it singles out Dayan Lichtenstein, without naming him, for giving an interview to the Goyish Chronicle (the transliteration is slightly ambiguous and it could also be said to read ‘Jewish’). It also accuses the communities headed by the rabbis who have condemned him of holding functions which are against the Shulchan Aruch and yet no one protests at that. Rabbi Lemberger suggests penitence for those who have insulted Halpern, or have heard him being insulted without objecting, including a half-day fast ...

הנני בזה להודיע כי דברתי עם מרן הגאון מוהר”ר טובי’ ווייס שליט”א רב גאב”ד ירושלים עיה”ק ת”ו ואמר לי שהוא ימנה ב”ד לבירור דברים בהפרשה הכאובה, וכבר עוסקים בזה להרכיב הב”ד וד’ יפרוס סוכת שלומו על עמו ונזכה לראות בקרוב בישועתן של ישראל בבלצ"ג ברחמים רבים [מקום החותם] I hereby announce that I have spoken to Rabbi Tuvia Weiss the Rav and head of the Beis Din in Jerusalem and he told me that he will appoint a beis din to investigate the matters in the painful saga, and there are indeed those who are engaged in forming the beis din. May God spread His shield of peace on His people and may we soon merit to see the salvation of Israel when the Saviour shall arrive in Zion with great mercy. [signed]

If this was a competition in literary styles there is no question that the Halpern camp would have come up trumps. Indeed I would have been their staunchest cheerleader. The opposition has shown itself to be proficient neither in Hebrew nor in English and doesn’t even know on which side of the page "Bs"d" belongs. On the other hand, Chaim Halpern manages joined up writing fairly well while his father's letter is nothing short of a masterpiece. Although in delusion it belongs up there in the panoply of Comical Ali's victorious speeches as the tanks were closing in on Baghdad and Colonel Gaddafi's ranting interview on the eve of defeat, in style it is a work of art. It blends its arguments and persuasive tone with the best of biblical metaphor, rabbinical imprecations and chasidic lore to create a magisterial composition. It is truly an epistolary classic of its kind. So as not to deprive our Hebraically-challenged brethren I have translated the letter so tha...

A stirring epic to the Battle of Bridge Lane when a small brigade of fedora headed irregulars headed by the provident leadership of General Ehrentreu overcame the well-entrenched positions of the Blackcoats and Redcaps commanded by Lieutenant Padwa. After placing guns on the strategic position of Simon’s Castle perched on Mount Defiance, in late evening of 6 December 2012 Homa’s Fort fell to the liberating army and the enemy was routed. Thus ended the rule of the slave owning confederacy of the south. By our resident Bard “A Broken Bochur” After days of repelling waves of relentless denials and obfuscations directed by the Kedassia cabal in beleaguered Fort GG, the exhilarating scene of a band of resolute GG Rabbonim galloping over the crest of the hill is a sight of beauty. Hurrah, the cavalry has arrived and the spectacle of the venerable Dayan Ehrentreu, sitting erect on his steed, his sharpened lance aiming directly at Padwa's midriff, should serve to scatter off the Kedassia...