And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end (Ecclesiastes 12:12) A pdf version of this essay can be downloaded here [*] Years in brackets refer to an individual’s or book author’s year of birth Thought experiment for the day: Anyone born 1945 would be pushing towards 80 and mostly past their prime. So name any Charedi sefer written by someone born post war that has or is likely to enter the canon, be it haloche, lomdus, al hatorah or mussar. Single one will do for now — IfYouTickleUs (@ifyoutickleus) July 27, 2022 A tweet in the summer which gained some traction asked for a book by an author born from 1945 onwards that has entered the Torah and rabbinic canon or is heading in that direction. I didn't exactly phrase it this way and some quibbled about 'canonisation'. The word does indeed have a precise meaning though in its popular use it has no narrow definition. Canonisation, or ‘entering the canon’ is generally understood to
BY ANONYMOUS
In light of the recent Netflix series which inspired many 'Orthodox' women all over the internet to write how beautiful their Orthodox life is, I will join the trend and talk about my experience too.
I grew up in the Chasidic community in Stamford Hill in London. I had a lovely childhood. However, I received zero secular education. When I was a bit older I learned a few years in kolel and received Semicha, but this did not help me put food on the table and so I wanted to pursue a degree. I was ambitious and wanted to do something that will make a change. I wanted to study occupational therapy to help and improve lives of those in need.
I searched online for 'Open University' courses but unfortunately they don't offer this course online. I looked at other places but wherever I tried to get in, I had to contend with the entry requirements... Besides my Semicha and my knowledge of Talmud Bavli, I didn't fit any of those requirements. And so I had to start from scratch.
I went to the local college to pursue my grades in English, maths and science - it was so difficult to juggle studying and providing for my children. But I persevered with the support of my wife and I managed to obtain a degree - though not in occupational therapy because I didn't have the requirements. But it's still a degree…
Now - only a handful of people know about my degree. My close family did not attend my graduation not because they disowned me but because they simply did not know about it. I kept it a secret from them because I knew they would disapprove.
You might hear people making fun of those who study for a degree. "We have so many successful people without any degree." "This and that millionaire could barely sign his name in English." Well, of all those "successful" guys, how much fraud and swindling is there among them?
How might the community accept my degree if they were to know about it? It is no secret that anyone who steps slightly out of the box is named and shamed by the community. (When I say "the community" I'm not pointing fingers at specific leaders or individuals; it is just our unaccepting environment.) Even minor changes I underwent was the talk of mikves and shtiebel coffee corners... (If I would remain in Yeshivah would they support me?)
And now to all those successful women in the Orthodox community. Perhaps you are unaware of the recent campaign against lace-top wigs. I guess in your community women are also not told on what side of the street to stand when saying Tashlich. And your magazines also allow the publication of pictures of women. And you are not disowned by your family for changes in the way you dress if you prefer a more modern look.
So Yes, everyone has their own experience and perhaps the type of Orthodoxy you refer to is considered goyish in my circle. But before you bash Netflix look around at your fellow brothers and sisters in Borough Park, Williamsburg, Lakewood etc. and check with them first if their Orthodox life is also so wonderful.
It could be being heimish is crappy but going off isn't glamorous and sexy. Punkt Hendler had good mazel. So before you dump your family just realize most of it is pure fantasy.
ReplyDeleteLots of pain in your missive. A fair bit of jealousy too by the sounds of it.
ReplyDeleteKeeping your degree a secret from your family because you thought they'd disapprove is a choice you made. As a grown man, you should be mature enough to deal with reactions which are not necessarily positive - no need to get hung up about that. Nice that you had/have your wife's support.
If you know that what you're doing is right for you then who cares what others think or say. If you're still frum then presumably you are confident that your path is 'yashar b'einei Hashem' and that's all that matters.
Do you have children? Are you providing them with a different education to the one you received as a child?
"It is no secret that anyone who steps slightly out of the box is named and shamed by the community." is a very serious accusation to make. It's also patently false. The 'community' may not approve but there is no naming and shaming whatsoever. You'd have to go very far (OTD in a bad way - e.g. trying to persuade others to leave too) to be named and shamed.
People always talk about other people. Just check out the tabloids. Who cares.
Campaign against lace top wigs is a halachik issue, nothing personal against anyone. Ditto to Tashlich stuff (tznius hiddur) which is ignored by those who choose to.
You wrote "Well, of all those "successful" guys, how much fraud and swindling is there among them?" You sound bitter. There is fraud and swindling among millionaires the world over and absolutely nothing to suggest that Stamford Hill's millionaires are fraudsters or swindlers. On the whole they made their millions (and billions) by buying up residential property years before anybody else attached much investment value to that sector. Some may be crooked but not due to their lack of formal education. Spend some time in court to get a nature of those being prosecuted for white collar crimes...
The writer isn't concerned if lace top is an halachick issue or not. The writer referes to those who say how wonderful their orthodox life is and not being aware that according to others they are not considered orthodox at all.
Deletemaybe the article has been speared by animosity and self hate, maybe not. maybe by the fact that you seem to be unfortunately one of those who fell between the cracks, which by the way happens in most systems and set-ups in the world (it doesn't make it fortunate though). my point is, that taking a such a glaringly miniscule percentage and building a case against a whole style of life (stereotyping), (taking that your case is not only against St. Hill, rather against any other similar setup,) is rather an immature way to act, and definitely if you are already holding at parenthood. I sympathize that you feel uneducated and had the need to go to the extreme of doing something you were brought up to think is ostracized and goyish, however, whatever happened to the inyan of mesirus nefesh? (i am i no way judging don't get me wrong,) i am just curious to understand how and why due to your own personal hardships, you deem it fit to cast a whole community in a box of evil. if you want to understand the community, you have to judge it by it's ways, you can't judge criminality of say British persons by how many Chinese are in prison. If you want to judge this community (not that it's right to), then first of all, ask yourself the question why you were not ready to survive/live/abide etc by/with the tools te community provides for people in your kind of situation,- and no i am not taking about what i call the reliant-on-gemach personality. I faced the same problem as you and managed to find a way, by giving serious thought about where my natural potential qualities lie, and worked out a way to maximize them and build myself. I didn't have to turn my life into a thriller novel and adventure seeking of i broke out the system, and under my family/peers back, got a degree. I managed to sort myself out, and am still holding a place in the community of integrity and self respect. Nobody names and shames me, because i am not a trouble maker. I live quietly and do my thing on the side, i do not look for people to "not find out" about degrees or anything, i live peacefully and move on.. just don't let yourself be aligned with typical anti-Semites and their diabolical anti-Semitic epithets.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I am not here to answer what is right or not or to have a halachic debate, but can say one thing. whatever the purpose of you bringing out certain guidelines/issurim/gedarim/chumres etc. existent in whole/part of, the wider/certain parts of - the community, the fact of you mentioning it shows your disgruntlement with it, and so here's my point: People who can't keep to laws (not necessarily Jewish ones) in whatever land they live in, are generally regarded as criminals for your knowledge. the fact that one may have difficulty in subjugating him/herself to others or a higher authority and it's demands, brings out a fundamental problem in hachna'a, which is the very ingredient which gets criminals into trouble. it is the natural tendency and urge of most normal humans to (for whatever reason or need) to at some point break out and do something not in the social/lawful/mental etc norms (not wrongs but norms), which doesn't have to be a wrong thing but has potential to if not done with guidance from competent authorities due to ones own negiah in his/her personal case of doing something.
Sof davar, if you know what you are doing is right then who gives a toss about what anyone thinks, but if you are so very self conscious about it, to the point of walking around with a chip off your shoulder, thinking that you are of such importance for a whole community to yachneh about you, then maybe do some re-thinking about if what your doing is right or wrong.
Hatzlacha rabba, and Hashem should guide you to the right place in all your endeavors.