The Breach Position

We are where we are and a chap, who until recently was a senior member of the most senior rabbinical body of our community, has been arrested on suspicion of sexual assault. So what does the body do? Forget about the rabbis. They're not trained in crises handling and the best one can expect from them is to stroke their beards and call on their flock to repent. After all, our leaders are only under suspicion while we're a bunch of hoary sinners at the best of times, or at least so we're told. You would also not expect our Chief to do anything but keep his counsel this time round given what happened when he was last consulted on such delicate issues. Silence after all doesn't make particularly good TV viewing.

But what of our lay leaders? What do they do at a time like this? You know like the robin-round Rosh Hakohol. Or the chairman of the external affairs committee who week in week out pontificates on neither here nor there. Or the spokesman and occasional 'QC' who graces the airwaves on everything from the decadence of universities to the equality of women (and more recently has been manning the child line protecting kids from cops). Or the worm hunters, the stocking weavers, the skirt measurers, the grave diggers and all the other heavenly enforcers making their abode in our square mile.

Do they have nothing to say? No concern, no guidance, no comment? Perhaps the executive committee has gone into plenary session to determine whether this is a matter for the external affairs or the internal affairs or whether it's an affair at all. But still they could let off some smoke to tell the masses that "we are dealing with this". We've had some chizuk from the boys in blue so why not them?

But wait it's Purim too so surely that must merit something. And so it did with the result above for all to see. Because as they say, "It was recently come to light" and not a minute too soon.

Didn't we know that this is all just a bad dream? A silly prank by some chevre dressed up with a flashing light on their car. The joke of course could only go so far and what really matters are those filthy perverted photographers. How dare they breach our mechitze fortifications to perv on our womenfolk dancing? What do they think? That they cholilo pole dance at the Decorium, do a Harlem Shake at the 'communal' wedding hall hired at preferential rates (not clear whose preference, though) or prance Gangnam Style at the Prince and Princess? Let the photographers take their proste lenses and stick them up elsewhere because if they're not careful we'll turn our lenses on them and they won't like it.

And so at this delicate time, when the world is examining what them rabbis get up to, trust our Union to speak up for the man in the street. Or in this case the photographer in the hall.

You've just got to love them. The timing, the perspicacity, the sagaciousness, the sheer brilliance of coming out with a notice like this at the end of a week we've just had and 2 days before Purim. Don't you just want to go up to each and every one of our Dear Leaders and give them a big hug. This is the crowning glory to their most successful winter on record and still they could outdo themselves even further.

As I said, it is Purim when no joke is too corny and no wit too flat so let me share just another one with you.

Q: Why does the Union provide a mother and baby home?
A: Because they're always in the breach position.

Cha cha cha, s'iz git, vos?