What are we to make of these new bedfellows, Kedassia meat, world famous for its excellence in kashrus and with a price to match, and some lowly piggies slaughtered presumably for the non-kedassia market? After Peppa Pig is this Rebbe Pig?
Before you bother huffing and puffing with your brilliant erudition that halachically there is nothing wrong in kedassia beef catching a free ride with some piggies and that they have been travel companions ever since the chazeirim have been ripping us off with their prices, let me remind you that there are other matters at stake when the ‘Seal of Quality’ gets into bed with the bacon.
For a start can we be sure that the pigs don’t carry in the eiruv? What if a piggy noshed a strawberry which then splashed onto the beef? What then,eh? Are you prepared to take the achrayis of strawberry juice without a hechsher contaminating your chulent? Let me pre-empt what the buffoon with a bout of mad-cow disease is bound to raise: can we be sure that the porkies weren’t destined for some reform bash and so turning up with Kedassia cows could suggest that members of the Union may share a platform with them? Isn’t sharing a platform the exclusive domain of, well you know who? And what about the milky issues? Say the cows were milked by the treif milk guys would it not make the pork lemahadrin by comparison? This is shocking! How can we have our holy ham transported with that blood-curdling milk? We want our Parma Parve!
Ladies and gentleman this calls for no less than a notice in lousy Hebrew and even worse English along the lines of:
It has come to our attention that pigs have been seen mingling with the most kosher beef this side of the equator and we wish to alert the public that they should not be fooled by the company some of the pigs keep. In some instances pigs were also seen texting the oxen on non-kosher mobiles. The public should remain alert at all times that a pig is a pig is a pig even if it moves in exalted circles. We must not be deceived by images of pigs suspended from hooks that they have reached celestial heights and a careful inspection will reveal that while their posteriors point heavenwards their snouts remain firmly fixed in the trough. If you have any doubts consult your local rov who is bound not to stray from the parameters we refuse to set lest it be confused with an eiruv. In future however we will be erecting a mechitze the entire length of the lorry similar to what we instituted in the lobby of the Decorium so that other than the pigs who like peeping to the other side non-kosher flesh will be on one side and the slaughtered variety firmly on the other. May we merit speedily in our days the promises of Animal Farm when we will all be kosher though some more than others. Omein!
Photo: Bechadrei Chareidim