If You Tickle Us...

Last Friday's JC had a review of the Chief Rabbi's new Machzor for Rosh Hashono by Dr Jeremy Schonfield. The reviewer refers to passages in our prayers which are "evidence of an awareness that all is not well in God's relations with Israel", and is critical of the Artscroll translations which gloss over these themes and instead reflect "a simple piety often unworthy of the intellectual depth of the poetic writers". I was reminded of the review when on Monday in selichos there appeared the following verses from Jeremiah (14:8-9): Why shouldest Thou be as a stranger in the land, and as a wayfaring man that turneth aside to tarry for a night? Why shouldest Thou be as a man astonished, as a mighty man that cannot save? It is no wonder that we Jews are such relentless critics because if our God doesn't escape our vitriol mere mortals can't stand a chance. In modern argot, the Prophet's words would translate as, why are You behaving like a ...

**See update below** Yesterday was the 61st yortseit of the founder, or main founder, of Yesodey Hatorah Schools, Rabbi Avrohom Shmuel Pardes. You wouldn't however be aware of it if you are fortunate enough to have your children admitted to one of its schools because the powers that be do not deem it worthy to mention to the children. True it is noted in the YHS calendar but with no explanation of his connection to the school. It isn't as if the school doesn't trouble itself with its history, real or re-written. When the anniversary of the death of Rabbi Shmelke Pinter comes along the schools go into overdrive. Siyums and assemblies where the children are told ad nauseum about his greatness and that many years after his death they still owe him a debt of gratitude, write-ups in the papers the week before, photos in the papers the week after. There is even a fawning song for the girls to sing at the anniversary commemorations including the words 'Reb Shmelke our f...

Catching up on what I missed while away I came across Geoffrey Alderman's article in the JC on the introduction of elements of religious law into UK law . While the debate is largely driven by Sharia law, rabbis of the realm must be rubbing their hands in glee at the prospect of laying their hands on officially sanctioned powers. And we underlings should quake at the thought of them being engaged not only on God's service but also On Her Majesty's Service. Rarely will Her Majesty have had in her employ servants so diligent in carrying out their official duties and never will rabbis have been so meticulous in applying dino demalcuso, or the law of the realm. They will render unto Ceasar with the zeal of rendering unto God, and render unto God with the power and force Ceasar shall put at their disposal. Rather than argue the pros and cons of granting power to religious courts allow me to provide a flavour of justice as dispensed round here so as to savour and look forward t...

The above advert turned up in the North West London Advertiser and my apologies to those readers who have been disabused of the notion that more rational, genteel folk occupy those regions. I am glad to say that so far it has not turned up in the Stamford Hill advertisers which suggests that either we are less gullible or we have less money to throw around. Or perhaps it’s more difficult to find men to do things on behalf of women round here. It would be a laughing matter but the story, unverified, doing the rounds in town is of a family recently bereaved of a father and husband who died several weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. Apparently this shaman or someone on his behalf contacted the family while the man was ill and dying to suggest that £/$10,000 is paid into an account or with a ‘third party’ to be paid out only if the man was healed. If not he would charge a mere £500 for his troubles. The family having been told that all hope was lost were minded to give it a try. ...

I'm sitting writing this in a foreign European country, in a rural setting with a view of vineyards, alps, rivers, hills or any other picturesque scene of your imagination which is not urban or industrial but does not give my location away. When choosing a holiday my number one priority is to find a location outside the UK. Not because there is anything wrong or bad with the British Isles. To the contrary, having travelled as far north as Gateshead, south-west as Lands End and east as Cromer I know this country from the craggy rocks of the Isle of Wight to the verdant rolling countryside, its lonely clouds and crowds of daffodils, its generally clement, if somewhat unpredictable, climate and its harmonious landscape. However, when vacationing I need more than just different scenery and location. In order to get away from it all there must also be different number plates, shop signs and language. But it is not simply that a variation in the jingle of coins and different mastheads ...

As riots go it must be said that we didn’t have too a bad one. As the Shabbos boredom reached its zenith some action was delivered quite literally to our doorsteps and no one can accuse us of not rising to the challenge. While rioters around us were breaking windows our locals broke bread with them and lent a hand to shift some of those heavy boxes. We should now look forward to a Yiddish letter to the News Update signed 'A Concerned Looter' advising that when doing returns, if you don’t have a receipt you can always ask for a credit voucher. However, rumours that some of them helped themselves to 50" plasmas are patently false since they would not by any means fit into a bedroom cupboard. There would also be no use for sneakers or Crocs which the gedoilim have ruled to be non-kosher footwear for Tisha B'Av. Of course we were taken aback by the overt anti semitism of the rioters who chose to ignore us altogether. This is surely an issue that must be looked at by t...

Shabbos Nachamu must be the most beautiful shabbos in the Jewish calendar. We’ve mourned and felt sorry for ourselves, which we do rather well, for the last three weeks, spent some time on the floor and lamented our losses and suffering and now comes the time to get off the ground,dust ourselves down and dream of greater things to come. With soaring poetry we put our troubles behind us and fortify ourselves with visions of a harmonious nature and invigorated spirit. And for that, few beat Isaiah once he gets going. Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain (Isaiah 40:3) But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint . (Isaiah 40:39) What a tonic in these days of strife!