If You Tickle Us...

For the unprecedented denouncement by five rabbis of a former colleague not being 'fit and proper to act in any Rabbinic capacity'. For the silence and shame of the victims For the rabbi who acted more like a clown than a town rov For the Rabbinate that allowed women to continue visiting an alleged molester despite first hand knowledge of the allegations For our rotten and corrupt lay leaders, not a single one of whom has taken any responsibility For the organisation that calls for the boycott of a local black tailor but remains silent on far worse allegations against a white-socked rabbi For the numerous notices by the UOHC modesty squad but none for its barely publicised child ‘protection’ line For the rabbi who is concerned with women kissing a Sefer Torah but covers up allegations of a rabbi doing far worse to women For the rabbis summonsing the town to anti-internet offensives while doing nothing on allegations of lewd rabbinical emails and texts For the ...

28 Marcheshvan 5774 [1 November 2013] It is now several generations that Chareidi Jewry in all their dwelling places under the leadership of our great rabbis of yore proclaimed a war against the reformers who uproot the religion. Here too in London Chareidi rabbis have unanimously agreed that we have no connection, association or dealings with them in any form. And so how astounded have we been that of late this wall of separation has been breached, for there are rabbis who permit themselves to appear on a platform called "Limmud" where the reformers also preach. The pain is great for who can foretell the outcome. It will appear in the eyes of the masses that it is permitted to hear sermons also from the reformers, God forbid. There are also tidings that there are places of worship/frivolity (pun of tfila/tifla ) that when the Sefer Torah is brought out they offer the Sefer Torah to the women's section so that they too can kiss the Sefer Torah. There a...

Yesodey Hatorah Admissions Information Pack FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS on admissions to Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls School “In drawing up their admission arrangements, admission authorities must ensure that the practices and the criteria used to decide the allocation of school places are fair, clear and objective. Parents should be able to look at a set of arrangements and understand easily how places for that school will be allocated” (Introduction to the School Admission Code, February 2012) 1. Q. I would like to apply for my daughter to join Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls School (the School) but she does not attend Yesodey Hatorah Primary School. Can the School refuse my daughter a place because of the primary school she currently or has previously attended? A. No. It is against the law for the School to favour applicants who attended an independent fee-paying primary school. Yesodey Hatorah Primary School is an independent fee-paying school and girls from that sc...

1. Set up online account at www.eadmissions.org.uk . This applies to all applicants. If you are applying on a paper form then Hackney residents only should use the application form which can be download here . Residents of other boroughs must contact their home local authorities for an alternative paper form. 2. Complete the Supplementary Information form   and contact the UOHC for it to be signed by a member of the Rabbinate. 3. Complete the application form online or submit your paper application form to your local authority preferably by 25 October 2013 but by no means any later than 31 October 2013. A l ate application will put you at a severe disadvantage. 4. Submit the completed and signed Supplementary Information form to the School by no later than 31 October 2013. 5. Sit back and hope for the best. GOOD LUCK! CONTACT SHEET Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls School Egerton Road, London N16 6UB Tel: 020 8826 5500 admin@yesodeyhatorah.org S...

Following the ruling of the new Carry On star Rabbi Mordechai Eisner on the Brookside eiruv some of our local finer minds have applied his halachic string-pulling closer to home and the map you see above is the result. Apparently, similar principles apply to both eiruvin and so an eiruv for the gander ought to be an eiruv for the *not tznius to mention*. Of course it being Golders Green they have an eiruv within an eiruv. Like the living rooms within their homes they have a mega super eiruv which they don’t use and is there only for show (and for carrying in hidden pockets) and then a smaller dingier eiruv where they can be themselves in their full glory. But surely if they can have two we poor cousins should deserve at least one. And if we’re going to start somewhere it might as well be south Tottenham where people will actually use it. Stick the eiruv in Fairholt Road and it will become a competition of not using it most. To be honest, Eiruvin has never been one of my strong p...

So Golders Green can have sit-down restaurants and cafes, schools run by a board of governors rather than a single nepotistic strongman, mixed Tashlich sessions, decent mikvo’os and now even an eiruv and all with a Kedassia hechsher. But as for Stamford Hill it has been decreed that we are to remain forever under the servitude of a cabal of kleptomaniacs who can carry nothing but their own wallets. It’s not as if we in Stamford Hill are incompetent because in many respects we are far more capable than others. Reb Aaron of Satmar will this week lay the foundation stone and attend the opening of a shul, yeshiva and school, the other Satmar recently opened its own mega girl school, Belz has commenced a huge building project, Vizhnitz has in the last few years opened shuls and schools, ditto for Bobov and Ger. Yet in all this time the wretched UOHC has barely managed to refurbish a single mikve after many years as a building site and another mikve remains in a decrepit state after al...

… and it’s kosher too though I hadn’t realised that Brookside had quite as many rabbis.

An anonymous letter apparently posted to members of the breakaway Divrei Chaim minyan(im?)

Going, going… …gone! They couldn’t be more daft than we thought, could they? I mean, after a year like this we must by now know the wildest frontiers of their insanity and how could it be otherwise. Well, think again. As the UOHC publishes its annual edict to segregate the public highway and introduces a Challa Burning service which, come on, admit it, it’s what’s really been missing from our lives and something we’ve all been begging for, and as one of their mikves which has now been a building site for about 10 years enters another year still as a building site, and as the police keep digging away at one of their loftiest, those in charge have had some other ideas on their mind. While we’ve been rising early and begging forgiveness, unbeknown to us its entire lay and rabbinic leadership has committed mass hara-kiri. The rabbis got laid and now the lay leadership has joined them in taking a jump. And all for the sake of protecting the modesty of the one who least needs prot...

For the story so far see here … and now read on. After the auditory contest between voices of reason on one side and cacophonous canines on the other it will come as little surprise to learn that the dogs gained the upper paw. It's not for nothing that 'man bites dog' makes the more implausible headline. What supposedly happened beyond that initially reported was that a group of school heads who did not make it to the Westminster outing wrote to Rav Padwa a sulking letter stating that they do not wish to be represented by AOJSOL. For a start they felt that the acronym is too long for people who on a point of principle shun the English language and unless is was transliterated into Hebrew or circumcised by 3 or more letters they will have nothing to do with tongue twisters of this kind. Besides, it is their firmly held belief that a policy of talking to the authorities and negotiating with the DfE over the secular education of kids carries with it the stench of capitul...

This… From Halichos Chanoch, by Rav Avrhohom Yonah Schwartz I once discussed with the Rav [the late Rav Padwa] the principles of protesting against breaches [of religious practice], and he showed me the words of the Trumas Hadeshen that protest should often be avoided. "Be aware that my soul is shocked by the hostility, strife and battle in your community which is caused mainly by scorn and abuse. I anticipate withdrawing shortly from being involved in these matters because I realise that I lack the strength to clear the paths and remove the obstacles. I am for peace but when I speak they are for war , and this is therefore a voluntary preoccupation and not obligatory and so what is it to me?" I heard from Rav Heshil Padwa that at the time when his father the Rav lived in Jerusalem there were often demonstrations against chilul shabbos and many of the residents of Botei Broide, where the Rav served as a Dayan, would attend the demonstrations. The Rav, however...

Something of note has taken place in Stamford Hill. In a town where a match is hot news, a motor car collision of international significance and a genieivah of any kind worthy of the attention of the General Assembly, the event we are about to describe is nothing short of Security Council import. In a different place and era this might have called for screeching headlines in our communal press, press releases by our spinners and perhaps even a dinner or banquet to mark the the once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. This would allow our refined Dear Leaders to mingle with the fairer sex while mandating us commoners to keep an ocean-breadth's distance from those enticers and seducers. Mind you in another era we may not have been discussing this at all so best to just keep calm and rush off to call your neighbour, cousin and, if they're out, do some shopping where you may just bump into them. Or, for men that is, attend another charity reception and discuss the news over yet another ...

Guest post by “Moish” Apologies in advance to readers who must by now have tired of the 'painful saga', but an article in this week's JC underscores an aspect of the ensuing fallout that has yet to be fully appreciated. It demonstrates the seismic shifts taking place in frum London, if not the UK, effected in large measure by this very saga. For the first time in living memory, a spokesman for the United Synagogue (and not merely individual dayonim acting in their capacity as 'NW London rabbonim') has gone on record criticizing the UOHC. The significance of this cannot be overestimated , especially as the criticism relates not to the UOHC's financial probity, general accountability or its (lack of) democratic mandate but on issues of chupa and kidushin. The US lecturing the Stamford Hill establishment on yiddishkeit may not be quite like North Korea lecturing the USA on human rights but in the Adath’s eyes it must come scarily close. The story of Orthodo...

עש”ק פ’ בהר בחקתי תשע”ג היות ורבים שואלים אותי על הכשרים שונים על בשר. דעתי שבנסיבות הזמן אין שום שאלה של שחוטי חוץ באזורנו. אבל תמיד ראוי להקפיד מטעמי כשרות על הכשר שניתן ע"י רבנים חרדים שמאחוריהם עומד ועד כשרות שיש בע"ב שהם נציגים של ציבור של שומרי תורה ומצוות גרשון האגער [Friday, 3 May 2013] In light of many enquiries I have had concerning different hechsheirim of meat. I am of the view that due to current circumstances there is no question of ' shchitei chutz' (out of town slaughter) in our area. However, generally one should insist, on grounds of kashrus, on a hechsher that is backed by a kashrus committee comprised of lay delegates from an observant public. Gershon Hager

The above advert appears hot on the heels of the notice from the Committee for the Purity of the Camp (not that camp, perv) inviting people to report any “suspicious person breaching the boundaries of sanctity.” The two adverts actually appear in the same publication which has just dropped through my door despite numerous notices pasted across the entire front of my house, “We do not read in our household. We only look out of the window and we don’t even bother doing it from behind the nets because trust us the view is much clearer when you move the curtains aside and park yourself on the windowsill with your half dozen kids beside you. Och, who just left that house? Oooh, they must be doing a shiduch tonight.” In classic fashion, I digress, but now I'm back on track. This spanking new Committee for the Purity of the Camp is “supervised by UOHC Rabbonim." You know those clowns who always go out on a limb to satisfy public opinion have again responded to 'public dema...

Progress yet again and kudos to Rabbi Shimon Winegarten for the new ShemaKoli abuse helpline . It of course gives you an idea how much confidence he has in the UOHC 'help' line. It also shows a sensitivity to men and women victims which hadn't occurred to our locals when launching their unisex line. Gender separation is just for the photographers,it seems. And you can bet that the person at the other end of this line will be marginally more sensitive than the one who was answering the UOHC line with his glorious track record in 'admissions' to 'his' schools. Should we assume that the hours allotted to men and women point to the ratio of abuse victims amongst them? Or is it simply easier to find suitable female volunteers than men?

You know the score on the wretched lids. Kedassia say they're sodden with starch and hence forbidden. But that is not quite enough. In their quest to ensure that no Jew inadvertently bumps into some chometz, they have gone one further by sending their star enforcer deep into enemy territory to declare that those who claim tinfoil lids to be kosher for Pesach are guilty of 'mis-of-information'.  To those who don't know the local parlance, the words addressed to an English speaking audience in North West London are the polite way of saying what would translate round here as something along the lines of, any sheigetz who eats kugel out of a tin covered with one of those lids might as well  fress a hamburger for koireich. And as to caterers contemplating making use of those lids, just dare and we  may not allow you again into the hall we 'licence' off that school. But Kedassia may have some cracks of their own that require papering over, assuming they can ...

Lids and covers, foils and tins, wraps and towels. There is not a tired old trick that hasn't been tried and it's high time to move on. The basics are simple enough. As most readers of this blog will know, our variety of Judaism - sorry, I must interrupt myself to apologise to those readers hopping mad that I dare impute different versions to our faith - but our particular version of Judaism has of late been preoccupied by the weighty issue of the kosherness or otherwise of lids of tinfoil containers. For the purpose of this post I need not trouble you with anything more because if you are one of those genuinely troubled by this burning question and desperately seeking a resolution then I am afraid you have hit on the wrong site and you should contact your local TAG volunteer to attend urgently to your filter. One characteristic of our Jewish strain very much connected to the shale of the day is an addiction to anything disposable. I'm not talking about disposable...